Monday, May 22, 2006
A new decade of life begins. I hope I treat this one with more respect.
Surprisingly events may have turned out to be such that the skeletons may finally be locked up in metal boxes and the keys lost. They wont die. I cannot kill them. I have no choice. I am tired beyond what I thought not possible. Why do we even break our heads onto walls? Just because the ego does not allow that we just walk away and respect the wall? Or is it our preconditioning that to give up is to be weak? That it is better to break the head then to go take the easy way out? Why is the easy way not good? Is it about the wall or the head or about what lies beyond? I hope it is not about the wall. Nor about the head. I really hope it was about what lay beyond. I hope there was a higher, bigger reason. I hope I did not dilute the reasons because I could not break the walls.
It is exceedingly scary to see laid bare your vulnerabilities and needs. Especially needs. How much we depend on our surroundings to get on with life. How fickle is the balance of it all.
morning at kanheri
I was cake'ed 3 times.
stock for the night
I was touched by the number of people who turned up for my birthday or wished me. A few totally unexpected. We had a rocking party. I wish she could have been there with us. But that was not possible. I have managed to make the situation so uncomfortable for her and all around me that that was possible. It is not possible to explain how much it hurts to hurt someone you love...
I hope I am forgiven.